Anybody know where the Smokies are? Somewhere east of Illinois, the complementary bracket to the Rockies in the west? Really? Aren’t the Appalachians in the East? No, no, the Appalachians are in South America – wait, that doesn’t sound right, isn’t that the Andes? Ok, final answer now, ready to lock it – Alps in Europe, Andes in South America, and the Appalachians in eastern North America. And the Smokies are a sub-range of the Appalachians! Whew! Glad we got that sorted! Seriously, how crazy is it that in this day and age, with Google’s infinite wisdom at our fingertips, we can still have a heated debate about the location of mountain ranges around the world!! And keeping up with my previous theme of Rocking the Rockies – I guess I should call this post Smoking the Smokies??!!!

Hiking in the Smokies has been on our list forever – it’s one of those things that you think you can do anytime, and somehow never get around to actually doing. But recently, with all air travel grounded, vacation destinations that we can drive to are the most desirable! So long overdue, a weekend in the Smokies! Manasi had Friday and Monday off for Labor Day, and it was a rare weekend where she didn’t have any other activities planned – so leave on Thursday, and plan to be back in Peoria on Monday. Mind you, it’s not a short drive – 11 hours one way, breaking the journey overnight both ways, and then 2 nights at the final destination! Hectic? Yes! Worth it? Absolutely!!

After an overnight stay just east of Indianapolis, and a quick lunch break in Kentucky – it was 4pm by the time we arrived in the quaintly named Pigeon Forge, TN – at the foothills of the Smokies. The first thing we saw was a huge shiny diner, straight out of the 50s – and what is that – is that King Kong climbing a tall building there? What is this place?!! We drove slowly to our hotel, craning our necks to take in the unexpected sights – exotically themed mini-golf places, several go-karting courses, huge souvenir shops, various dinner shows, a Christmas themed street, complete with fake snow and decorations and boot outlets – really, BOOT outlets! People thronged the walkways in this carnival like atmosphere – it seemed like we had stepped through a portal into a different time altogether!

Our hotel was a return to normalcy – good old Holiday Inn! – but we were eager to get out and start exploring. We did have to buy a pair of hiking shoes for Manasi – and it seemed like that this was the perfect place for that! We decided to drive up this magical street – and the first thing the GPS helpfully shows is a Tangier outlet, just a mile away! Ok, that really was the only thing missing here – an outlet mall!! We did drive there, but after a look at the crowds, decided not to stop there. Instead we headed to the Sunliner diner – for a real 50s experience! Growing up, Pop Tate’s in Archies comics seemed like the embodiment of the American experience! And yet, it took nearly 2 decades in the US to bring us to the quintessential American diner – the chrome counters, red leather bar stools, mosaic tiles, neon lights, Formica booths and the hostesses dressed in polka-dot dresses with bouffant hairdos!! And what can be more American than apple pie at an American diner! What – life is short, eat dessert first!!

A ginormous milkshake and a platter of fried pickles completed our diner experience! Next stop – hiking boots! Now there was this absolutely huge place that proclaimed it had over 10,000 boots – and that sounded really promising. It was so overwhelming though – all kinds of cowboy (and cowgirl) boots – colors, styles, embroidery, sequins, spurs – you name it, they had it! The smell of leather was a bit overpowering – and with so many choices, it was impossible to pick anything. Tempting as it was to buy a pair of original Tennessee boots – we beat a hasty retreat to a smaller place across the street, where Manasi found a really good pair of hiking boots. Now we were all set for our day of adventure tomorrow!! Then it was souvenir time! On one hand, there was this one shop which had everything for $9.99 – and right next to it, a second shop which had everything for – wait for it – $9.98!! How in the world does one decide!! Well, a penny saved is a penny earned, right?!! We are creatures of habit when it comes to souvenirs – a magnet for me, a couple of shirts for Manasi, maybe one for Ajey. Interestingly, both shop windows had an array of ‘Trump 2024’ and ‘F*** Biden’ shirts – a reminder we were in the Republican heartland here!

Next morning, we headed to Gatlinburg – the gateway to the Great Smoky Mountain Park. Now if Pigeon Forge had been a surprise, Gatlinburg completely bowled us over!! We were here for the mountains, did not really expect this totally urban oasis here – imagine a carnival on steroids, that was Gatlinburg! The little main street was bumper-to-bumper with cars – look, here’s an ski lift to go up to ‘Ober-Gatlinburg’! And here’s Margaritaville – fond memories from Lake of the Ozarks! Tattoo parlors abounded, and so did the restaurants – from little stalls selling pizza by the slice and fresh ice cream, to the familiar chain restaurants like TGIF, to the very upscale, reservation only Melting Pot and Cherokee Grill!! And is that an Escape Room across the street? It was sheer madness – the possibilities were endless here! 2 days? There was enough here to last an entire week, without even seeing the mountains!!

All we had here was 2 afternoons – carving in the time between our original intention of hiking – and we tried to fit in as much as we could! Manasi had her heart set on eating fondue at the Melting Pot – so after a couple of attempts at making a reservation, we did manage to get in. I wouldn’t say it was the best fondue ever – actually, I don’t think I’ve eaten a proper cheese fondue since France – but it did inspire us to buy our own fondue pot!! We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering Main Street, stopping for a slice of pizza here, and a funnel cake there – finally winding up at the the best photo op in town – a sign for ‘Gatlinburg’! It’s always a little weird at places like these – on one hand, you want to get a good picture – on the other hand, you’re always conscious of the other people waiting for their turn, so you’re stressed about that. Not to mention the annoyance at people who take forever, totally oblivious of the growing impatience around them! Anyway, got our picture – and then we were back on the road again!!

A fun stop on our drive back home was in Indiana – to stock up on fireworks for Diwali – Shelton’s Fireworks!! Their sign says they are the world’s largest fireworks warehouse – and when you see the place, that seem’s about right!! Every possible firework you can think of/dream/imagine can be found here – from the simple sparklers to the giant 40-shot ones!! What I loved most – the packages have a QR code, that when scanned with your phone, brings up a YouTube video showing what each little piece is capable of!! A final halt in Champaign for a lunch in an Indian restaurant and we were done! An unexpected pleasure on this trip was an audio-book. Normally, on long drives like these, we have endless arguments about the music – I like the oldies, Ajey likes the faster, bhangra-pop type of songs, and Manasi wants no Hindi songs altogether. So we tried an audiobook – Barack Obama’s ‘A Promised Land’. Didn’t know that the narrator was Obama himself – and it is is mind-blowing to hear his story in his own voice!! I’m never a huge fan of audio-books – but this one, I would totally recommend the audio-book over reading it!!

Ad yes, I’m hearing the questions – where are the mountains? And hiking? And what’s the deal with the bears? All in good time – Great Smoky Mountain National Park coming up next!! Stay tuned!!